Happy Birthday Catherine!

Today was Catherine's birthday. I posted all the pics on FB. Will update soon. Pretty tired now.

My Aunt's Funeral

So I am finally sharing these photos with you. I have had them in my saved box for quite some time. I would like to share a sweet personal story.

Dreams I feel are an access to those who have gone before us.

You know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night with a vivid dream? And you know that if you don't have a pencil and pad by the bed, it will be completely gone by the next morning. Sometimes it's important to wake up and stop dreaming.

When a really great dream shows up, grab it.

Larry Page, University of Michigan Commencement Address, 2009

 

This morning I woke up remembering what I just dreamt. I was holding Catherine in my arms, walking down a hallway of some sort. I then looked to my left and saw some familiar faces. They were sitting on a bench, reminisent of a temple setting. I was walking by and set Catherine down and she ran to who I immediatley recognized who was my mom. I then looked around and saw my Aunt Marilee, she was dressed in a beautiful purple blazer with a floral skirt and white tights and white shoes. She was the way she looked when she was happy and healthy, about 20 years ago. She then waved at me and said, "Hi Kenzie! I am doing fine." I then started to cry. I looked to the right of her and saw my Grandmother, smiling at me and holding Catherine. Sitting next to her was my Grandpa. It felt peaceful and warm.

I love my husband beyond words, and I have always wanted to know what my Grandma would think of him. So I asked her, "What do you think of Jon Grandma?" She replied, "I love him." And that was it.

The rest of the dream I remember felt so real. Since my Aunt's, death the only thing I have wanted is to talk to her see how she is and tell her how much I love her. I finally got to see her, she is well and perfect now.

Until we meet again.

Sick baby!

So after Dr. visits (yes, pleural) Catie Bug has croup and then now is showing signs of Pneumonia. My poor sweetie is so sick. Along with Gracie who got sick because of Catie now Daddy is sick too. and my mom is now showing symptoms.
I hope she gets feeling
better soon. As well as my loved ones too! Darn sickness!

In Memory of Auntie M!

At my wedding in 2008, this was one month before her last chemo treatment.

On Wednesday, December 14 I had gotten called off of work that day. It was around 3pm and my mom and Catherine and Grace and myself were headed to do some Christmas shopping in Layton. Headed on the freeway my mom got a phone call from my brother. The dreaded phone call that you don't want to get. My brother said that my Aunt Marilee was dead. We thought it was a joke, and quickly he assured us it was reality. She was gone. 

My Aunt Marilee is my mom's only sister. They have always had a troubled relationship, it was tough, but they worked through things as hard as things were because they were family. Marilee was diagnosed with paranoid schizopherenia almost two decades ago, I think. But she denied all diagnoses. She led a hard life, a single mom, raising a son and a sickness only those who go through it can understand. She was medicated, and was doing well. A couple years ago she had breast cancer, and fought it. We think she got started on some pain meds and anti-anxiety meds and that's what started this downward spiral toward the end. 

The last time I saw her was at Thanksgiving. She seemed not herself. It was as if she had a cloud over her personality. She seemed to be in some sort of haze. After dinner, I wanted to take a picture of she and Catherine. I did, and she gave me a hug after I took it and she told me that now Catherine will always have that to remember her by. A thought came in my head, was this the last picture Catie will have with her Aunt Marilee? I didn't think too much of it, but it turned out to be true. 

When I said goodbye to her I told her how much I loved her. And that was it. 

There are a lot of family members who have regret, and guilt towards her death. Why did she do what she did. Why are we left here on this earth to mourn her and how it happened. 

The only thought that keeps me going is that she is in heaven now and free from pain. I think that God, Heavenly Father, Allah, whoever you may believe in will judge her with the utmost loving care and compassion. May you rest forever in our hearts Auntie M!

For you are loved.

Family Pics

Here are our annual family pictures for our Christmas card. My sister took these and she did a great job. Thanks Mer!

Awesome day with Catherine...NOT!

Everyone meet Cranky Catie. We've been on a no nap schedule for the past week and I think it's catching up with her.

Nana and Bob!

Catherine loves her Nana and Bob. Last Tuesday my Mom and Dad got to watch her while I was up at Weber State taking pictures. She feels right at home there. Catherine loves to look at the moon. When sweet Isabella was the same age as Catie, she was too fascinated with the moon. So, we always say, "Bob, where's the Moon?" My dad has taught us to appreciate the beauty around us and is now teaching his grandkids the same. Here's a little video of Bob showing Catherine the moon. Nana also got her picture taken with Catie as we left.

 This is Damian Lillard, AKA D-Lill in our house. He is amazing to watch play. I love college basketball, I am blessed to be on the court with these talented student athletes. I thought I'd share these since this is what I do as a side job. And some of my fave's from that night.